Bitality, Really

I'm tiard and I'm not even close to done. This makes me sad. Very sad.

-- UPDATE:

It is now 7:15 in the AM. I've been working since I got here at six yesterday. I can see the light at the end. Unfortunately, I'm ready to pass out.

Reality Bites

So now I'm back in studio and though I'm not scared, the scale of the task before me and the limited time I have to do it is hitting me. So it goes.

Back to Reality

I'm sitting in my mom's house getting ready to catch my train back down to Eugene. The train will be the final leg on a three leg journey that's taken me from Maui to San Francisco and finally to Portland. It is taking a long time and frankly, I wouldn't mind if I never got there. See, I'm still not done with my final project for architecture and time is fast running out. I'll figure something out, I know this. But it isn't going to be easy, I know this too. But I won't worry about that right now.

Hawaii was really pretty and I got used to walking around in shorts and flip flops quite quickly. We stayed in this condo building that was basically right on the beach. We were so close that I could take close up videos of people walking along the beach. Video cameras are the best tool for stalking...anyway, so it was warm, and hot even. It was mostly sunny. The ocean was warm. People were dressed in very little. But where we were staying is more of an old person place. It wasn't like how you imagine with all these hot young people glistening in the sun. Don't get me wrong, there were lots of people glistening in the sun but they tended to be either OLD or YOUNG. So in other words, it was a family kind of a place, which was perfect for our family. There were nine of us on the trip (there are still eight there) and two older people, three medium people, two people my age, and two little little kids. The little little kids were probably the highlight of my trip. They are my cousins, both born this side of the year 2000. They are products of the new millenium, the world of the future. My smaller cousin (she's two) likes to talk about the time they went to the zoo and that the "elephant go poopoo!" She says it with evident delight and when people laugh she keeps saying it louder. It was the best thing I heard on the day that I heard it. First of all, I get much delight from seeing a happy two year old, add onto that the hilariousness of the word "poopoo" and you get a memorable moment.

Unfortunately, though, due to my school schedule, I had to take a short trip. When I got there, everyone else had been there for days, and when I left, they still had days. That's ok, I guess. I got a taste of life without the pressures of school and I loved it. It wasn't enough to make me question my place in school but it certainly was enough to make me really antsy for this term to be over and the three weeks of break that follow.

And now, time to get ready for round three of travel.

Me in Hawaii from cell phone. So pretty.

Maywa Denki!!!!!

Tonight I'm going to a show by Maywa Denki. I've seen some of their nonsense machines in the art museum here on campus but now I'm going to see a performance with them. I have absolutely no idea what to expect but how could anyone not want to see a show put on whose promotional picture is this:

Here's Another One

Here's the outside!

Gah!

I'm in studio right now preparing for my midterm review tomorrow. Here's a small taste of my design, more to come in the future.

Three Weeks

I just realized something today, I'm going to Hawaii on Wednesday the 26th. That means I'm going to Portland on Tuesday. That means I have to be done with my project on Monday. That is only three weeks from now. I can't fathom that. This term is fucked.

Fall Back

I just woke up, sad that I have to take a quick shower and be instantly off to work. Then I checked my computer and it said the time is an hour earlier than I thought it was. Oh yeah, fall back! I've never had a better conversion from daylight savings to standard time in my whole life.

Favorite Quote

A friend of mine lists the following quote of mine as one of her favorites:

"Being a loser is great, but it also requires you to be a loner, or else you might become cool"

Can someone tell me what that means? Also, if it is clever, how did I get to be so?

Uncanny!

I saw this picture in the newspaper the other and thought, "my God! We're putting Steve Zissou on trial. I mean, come on, putting Mr. Abdullah Kazim Ruwayyid, a Baath party official, in the same setting it is nearly impossible to tell him from Mr. Bill Murray:

Weird.

Amazing!

I got an email with this subject line: Re: Really Works Wonder Meddicaation. It is funny, I don't exactly remember sending anyone a message with that subject line which would have caused the "Re:" but hey, you can't argue with the body of the message. I went ahead and sent them my credit card number. I mean, can you imagine how healthy I'd be with a year's supply of Wonder Meddicaation? I can. Finally, something to get excited about, and this is guaranteed. Nothing can possibly go wrong.

Ready, Set, Go!

I'm tired of living a life of detachment and apathy. Time to get back into caring about things.

I heart design

School has finally hit. I'm wicked busy. I'm stressed out and it is starting to get ridiculous, but the funny thing is...this is exactly what I want. I may bitch and moan about how much work I have to do and how little life I have, and I'm not wrong when I do, but this is what I signed up for. I want to live my education. I want to be so wrapped up that I don't know which way is up. I want to internalize it so much so that I can't think anything but architecture.

I just wish I had a better studio instructor.

I have to get used to it.

But at least next week I'm going to start designing. Ahhhh...design. How I love you. I heart design.

Do What You Do

Last night after classes were over, I met up with an old friend who I went to high school with and then lived with after for a while. It had been about three years since the last time we'd hung out. Three years sounds like a long time but for some reason I just can't wrap my mind around the idea that it has been that long. But it has. It is somewhat frightening to realize how quickly time can go by. I'm also frightened about the fact that in three years I have done very little. Sure, I've decided to go back to school and I've been successful in that endeavor but at the core, deep down, my life is about the same. And that's not really a good thing. Three years ago was one of the worst times in my life and putting it in terms of that much time I realize that I've been unbelievably preoccupied and holding myself back.

So what can I do? How can I move forward? I think I need to keep on doing what I'm doing. I went to a high school whose Latin motto was "Age quod agis" which they translated to "Do well whatever you do." I've heard, however, that it more accurately translates to "Do what you do." At first glance, that seems a less interesting translation but I think it is superior to the accepted translation. "Do what you do." Focus. Live your life. Don't get distracted. Don't live in the past or the future. Live now. Living now and not focusing on the past is something that I have a difficult time getting myself to do. I'm sure it is a function of my personality which is analytical and inwardly focused. I think that leads to these neverending loops of thought in my mind which tend to be negative. I can't seem to get myself to obsess about positive things. I'd rather not obsess at all. I think that partially why I obsess about negative things is that I like to solve problems. Rationally I know that not all problems have solutions but I'm often not rational, especially deep down.

I think the key to dealing with my obsessions is to live the motto "age quod agis," to focus on what's in front of me, and importantly to act as well as to analyze. Analysis is an important aspect of life but analysis without action is largely worthless. I must learn to know when I've thought about something enough and anymore would lead to diminishing returns. I've spent a lot of time thinking that my apartment is a mess but I somehow can't bring myself to clean it. That is a small example of my problem. I recognize a problem but instead of doing something about it I let it fester. That is going to be my focus. Convert the energy that I spend thinking and worrying about something into positive action. The best way to shutting my brain off for a little while isn't to watch tv or take a drink. The best way to shutting my brain off is action.

Third Week of School

I'm already sick of school. I'm not loving what I'm doing. In fact, it almost feels like I'm doing nothing but I'm spending all day completely busy. I wake up, go to work, go to class, do school work and go to bed. I shouldn't have been expecting much else and realistically I wasn't. The main difference between my expectations and the reality of my school situation is that of interest. I'm busy as hell but I don't give a shit about anything that I'm doing. Blah. Just a hoop to jump through like so much else in this world.

Thanksgiving and Hawaii

My Grandma has been planning a trip to take our family to Hawaii over Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, due to my school schedule it is looking like it is going to be completely impossible for me to go. I'm upset but mainly because this is such a big deal to her. Unless I can find some flight stuck in the nether regions of some travel website, I'll have to figure out how to spend my first holiday ever not with my family. That is sure to be difficult. Family and holidays go together for me so automatically that the thought of not being with my family for a holiday actually makes me a bit physically uncomfortable. Oh well, I have plenty of time to get used to the feeling.

Second Year

OK, here we go...my second year of school is starting today. I haven't done much to prepare myself mentally for the beginning of classes. So I guess I'll just wing it and I'm sure everything will be just fine. I'm looking forward to using my brain again. In the last month and a half or so I've done a lot of drinking and very little thinking. Now I've got to reverse the trend. Thinking...wow, thinking. I'm not entirely sure that I'm up to it but I guess I have to be.

The other thing that starts today is my job at the dorms. I'm looking forward to getting some food but other than that I could leave my job without too much sadness. And finally, I'm looking forward to seeing people who I haven't seen in a long time. I hope I remember everyone's names!

Alright, so I guess that's about it. I'm antsy. I have butterflies. But I know that in a mere week this will all be routine again. I'm off!

New Mexico

Well, I'm here in Albuquerque, NM. Some thoughts about the city...it is brown and flat and warm and dry. At this point (not having seen much) it feels like the city is just one big suburb. So this isn't what I'd call a model of urban planning. What is interesting is that people seem to be really nice here, and not fake nice like people working at Starbucks, but genuinely nice like, well, like nothing I've quite experienced before. I'm from Portland and a lot of people who aren't from there often comment on how nice people are. I never really thought they were and now I'm convinced that they aren't. My cousin's husband is so nice. My sister and I were talking about it this morning. We were thinking he was like the cool, popular nice guy in high school who everyone including the asshole popular kids, the geeks, and the teachers liked.

I'm not sure what the plan is today. We talked about visiting Santa Fe but we'll see. Whatever happens it's sure to be a rip-snortin' good time!

Race for the cure!

Nothing Much

Nothing much going on at the moment. I'm watching the season finale of Veronica Mars. Such a good show. I've been working in Portland for the past month. I've only got a few days before I'm done with that. Then I'm going to New Mexico for my cousin's wedding. Directly after that school starts again. Wow, the end of my freedom is at hand. Somehow I don't mind much.

This is from my phone.

Changes

Change happens and it isn't always easy to deal with. It is especially difficult for me to understand and accept the changes that I have with my relationships. I accept that change is inevitable and often welcome but I don't always understand how to deal with it. I don't deal with the changes in my friendships well. I remember when I first started collegel. I had a really close friend in high school who completely got into the college experience and I felt left behind. I was jealous of his life and angry that I was "abandoned." I'm dealing with a situation like that now with a close friend. And it makes me sad. I'm grasping at anything that will keep things as they were. But I understand that they'll never be like they were and by pushing hard they will just get worse. I don't know what to do.

I'm someone who only has a few close friends and when one of those relationships changes I'm lost. I will be ok, I just hope that everything else will be.

WTF???

I sprayed a bunch of flea killing shit all over my apartment the other day. I thought the problem was solved until just now when I saw a flea on me. What the fuck!?! I'm annoyed as hell. Now I'm going to have to get a bomb and bomb this place when I go on my trip. Who knows, maybe I'll use two of them.

Aside from that...test tomorrow. I don't really give a damn what I get on it because I'd have to get something like 30% on it to not pass the class. I guess maybe I should have taken it graded. Then it is summer! Wahoo.

Letsee

Hmm...it has been a bit of a bit since I last posted. I guess I haven't really been in an analytical type of mood lately. Rather, I've opted to simply get through from one day to the next. That isn't to say that things are going poorly, they aren't. But neither are they going particularly well. I am bored with things. On the plus side, I only have two more days of my physics class left and then I'm free until the end of September when school is going to beat the shit out of me. Speaking of physics, I got my last test back. I got a 94%! I missed three on the multiple choice and got full credit on the written problems. Yeah, I kicked the hell out of it. I think I may be a genius.

So Wednesday is my final exam and then on Thursday my mom is going to drive down and pick me up for a short little road trip. We are going to Crater Lake and then down to the southern Oregon and northern California coast. I'm looking forward to spending a bunch of time with my mom. The last time we went on a trip was about this time last year when we went to Boston. That was quite a trip. This one will be a little more casual but I think it will probably be nicer because we are going to be spending all our time together whereas last time she had to work a lot.

That's about that. I could use a beer right now but I don't have any and I don't want it enough to go out and get one. I'm S.O.L.

Testies

I have a test in my physics class tomorrow. Then, next Wednesday I have my final! Then I won't have school for a month and a half. What's a boy to do?

And...

...I need a damn haircut!

Shake it Off

That last entry sure was dumb. I guess I just got it in my head that I wanted to go out with some people this weekend and when it didn't happen I felt this burning loneliness tinged with anger. The fact is that I've spent plenty of weekends mostly alone in my life. And I'm still here. Today I decided to snap myself out of it and it hasn't been completely easy. I'm still not totally snapped out of it, but a lot more out of it than at this time yesterday. I took myself out for breakfast at a local diner where I started reading "When We Were Orphans" by Kazuo Ishiguro. I've previously read "Remains of the Day" and I have to say that I believe Ishiguro is one of my favorite authors. His style is subdued but its calmness is despite all kinds of other ideas swirling around the characters. The protagonists in both novels share this overarching sense of duty to which they sacrifice their personal lives. It is a theme that I can relate to. The only problem is that since the style is so measured, I sometimes get a little tired so I have to get up and walk around outside for a while. Maybe that is an indication that I need to start getting a little bit of exercise.

Well, I got a phone call so I lost my train of thought so I'll leave it at that.

Bullshit Weekend

Now, I've never been king number one cool social guy or anything, but I wonder what's happened to me since I moved to Eugene almost a year ago. I've never had as hard a time connecting with people as I have since I've lived here. At least, not during my adult life. I'm not a social retard and I'm able to carry on conversations with all kinds of people but I don't understand why I don't have any real friends. Sure, there are some people who I can hang out with and talk to relatively comfortably but that's not really enough for me. I can't have a series of mere acquaintances but no real friends. This weekend is what's getting to me. I've called basically everyone I know to try and get something going but here I sit at my computer without having been able to get in touch with anyone. And I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed that I have to call people to try and have a social interaction and I'm unbelievably annoyed and more than a little hurt that nobody calls me to hang out. I keep up my happy face and talk to people but still nothing. I haven't been able to get into any type of regular friendships with anyone. I've been trying but it doesn't seem to be working. I don't think any of my friends mean anything by not calling me which almost makes it worse because it seems to confirm my fear that people don't really care about me.

Piss on this feeling. I know it is a stupid bullshit temporary feeling but that doesn't make it any less real for me right now. I've been making social progress and I know this isn't permanent but it gets tiring. I'm sick of having no social life. Whatever. I just need to keep trying. I'm done.

Some Pictures

I walked around Eugene today and took some pictures. Here are some results:

Other than that, a pretty crappy day.

Oops

Wow, I need to get to bed. I guess class is probably out of the question in the morning. Oh well.

Honey Bucket

This is the view outside of my living room window at the moment. As I've previously mentioned, I live in an alley. Actually, to be precise, I live at the intersection of a major and a minor alley. The minor alley is being paved this week (hopefully not too much longer) so I've been dealing with people cutting concrete and operating backhoes right outside my window. And I guess the workers have to have a place to let loose their bladders and bowels. And that place is right outside my living room window. It doesn't smell as bad as it could. I can only guess what the smell will be like if the project lasts a long time. Oh please, be efficient city contractors. For my sake.

I went with a friend and her boyfriend to see "Wedding Crashers" tonight. I quite enjoyed it. I'm a sucker for living vicariously through the sleeziness of others. I wasn't totally thrilled with the sappy ending but it is a movie and people need to be redeemed...I guess.

I don't have a lot more to say. I'm kind of tired but not quite ready to go to bed. I thought that I had an entry in me but I seem to have been mistaken. Such is life.

Weekend tomorrow! Parrrrrty! Or not.

So...Hot...

...no, not a girl, me. And not because I'm attractive, my profile picture is a giant inflatable crab on top of a building, afterall. And that's an improvement! No, I am hot because it is fucking hot up in this beast. I just have to nap for a bit. Later on tonight, I'm going to a friend's house to watch "Shaun of the Dead." That'll be nice. Now, onto my nap.

What Time is It?

I had an enjoyable evening. First off, I had a test in my damn-ass physics class. As I told my friend, I like to call physics "p-hys." It just sounds a little cooler. I have no idea how the test went, I could have passed or failed. No idea. That probably means I didn't get an A. One rarely gets an A when one thinks one may have failed. Rarely, but not never. Maybe this is just a rare day.

It actually was a rare day because around 8:30 I met up with a friend at a coffee shop where we drank a little coffee, but more interestingly we smoked his hookah. It was quite a pleasant experience. He mixed pinapple and jasmine shisha which is what the tobacco is called. There are a couple of things that I really liked about it. One was the ritual. Unlike smoking a cigarette, there is a large apparatus that must be prepared before one smokes so the experience is heightened by said preparation. The second big thing that I liked was that the smoke lasts a long time. I love to smoke and smoking cigarette after cigarette often winds up being a less than enjoyable experience. A hookah, on the other hand has mild smoke that one can enjoy for a hell of a lot longer than one cigarette.

There is a mosquito buzzing around me right now and I can't kill it. Shite!

So anyway, smoking hookah is great. It is relaxing. The smoke tastes good and is smooth. And another cool aspect is that it is communal. So yeah, thumbs up to hookah.

After hookah time, we got a six pack and drank a few beers each. I didn't really know this guy too well before we hang out tonight, but we had a really nice conversation. I'll be happy to add him to my short list of friends. I guess that's about that. A good night was had. And I have to go to stupid shit class in eight hours. I guess I'd better get to sleep...soon.

Fleas, That's Right.

Damn, the flea that I saw seems to have a few friends. I guess I need to bomb the shit outta this place. I have no idea where they came from but I guess that isn't really important. Now I just need to figure out where to send them, and I think I know where; straight to HELLLLLLL! You mofos are all gonna die something wicked. You hear that?

On another note, I have a test tomorrow. Ahh, thermodynamics, I barely know you. You seem to think that I've been listening this past week, but really all that's been going through my head when you've been talking is, "I can't wait until this is over so I can pick my nose in peace." But now I'm being tested and all I can do at the moment is not go to bed. That means I'll be writing a couple more sentences about absolutely nothing, particularly nada, but I'll also be exploring zilch and if time allows oblivion. So, nada. What can I say about nada...well, I guess there isn't much to say. Onto zilch...where does this word come from? I imagine it is probably an adoption from Yiddish as are so many of our more whacky words. Oh wait, I'm going to go look it up...brb...from dictionary.com:

zilch Slang
n.

1. Zero; nothing.
2. A person regarded as being insignificant; a nonentity.


adj.

Amounting to nothing; nil: “Business was zilch” (New York).


[Perhaps from alteration of z(ero) + (n)il.]

Well, looks like I may have been wrong. I'm not afraid to admit to my mistakes, especially when they are so trivial. And as long as the subject is unimportant mistakes, I'll admit them 24/7/365(6). That's right, I won't even take a day off during leap year.

And now onto oblivion...oh, I'm sorry, I guess we've run out of time. That really was a good subject too. Well, maybe next time.

Fleas?!?

How in the hell do I have fleas here? I don't have an animal living with me anymore! Hopefully the one that I found on my leg is just an aberration and I got it from outside. We'll see. I'm not a hairy person so it isn't so likely they'll thrive on me. What a crock of shit.

Sunday for a While Longer

What can I say? The last week has been an interesting one in that I've done as much to avoid any responsibilities that I possibly can. Somehow I've been able to get everything done that I need to but with a minimum of effort. I feel as if, when I work on my obligations, I'm in some sort of trance in which I'm able to work and think but after which I have little to no recollection of working or thinking. I guess you could say that the memories are like those of a long night of drinking. Sure, you remember most of it although some things are a bit fuzzy and everything seems a little less real than it should. That's how I feel about my first week of my second physics class. I'd be nervous about the first test on Tuesday, but I don't think I care enough to be nervous. I'll do ok, I'm sure. I'm retaining the information but can't recall it unless in a classroom or while doing homework. I guess I'm subconciously compartmentalizing school and other tasks which I currently deem unpleasant. But what does that mean for the rest of my life? I'm not exactly sure about that. I enjoy playing video games but my ass eventually gets tired. I enjoy meeting new people but my fake smile and anecdotes eventually get tired. I enjoy drinking but my liver eventually gets tired. I enjoy blogging but my fingers and anecdotes eventually get tired. I enjoy listening to talk radio but my ears eventually get tired...

The point is that even though I'm doing a lot better than I was doing a month or two ago, I'm starting to feel inadequate in other parts of my life. Ha ha, that's a perfect opening for a penis joke but I'm not going to indulge that kind of thinking around here...mainly because I can't think of anything particularly funny about making jokes about my own penis. And this is about where I remember that someone I know probably actually still checks this and then I feel like a total idiot for writing this stuff, but I won't delete it from the little blogger textbox because this is what having a blog is all about. Stupid-ass shit.

I read a salon.com article earlier today about this nanny in new york who was fired by her employer because of the things she wrote in her blog. Also, the employer imagined a whole hell of a lot more than she'd also written. Which makes me wonder sometimes. I feel like the internet brings a lot of people together, often people who would never meet. And there is a weird intimacy that happens between people online. But when you get down to it, the internet, blogs, message boards, instant messaging, they are all ways in which people put on masks for others and even more for themselves. We are still in a time of novelty for the internet. People are willing to bare much of themselves for the outside world. And I can understand that pretty well, but what happens when things that are only meant for oneself and complete strangers are stumbled upon and read by those close to us? It seems ridiculous that we would allow some random person who finds our blogs through search results should know more about one's life than the people closest to that one. But somehow it seems even more ridiculous the other way around. And I think that may be why my blog has been languishing. Because I have barely anything to write that I would want those close to me to read. Maybe it is just because I want to put up a happy and brave facade. I can't do that so well when I expose myself to people who know me. I don't know where I'm going with this. Nowhere good, I think. Especially since I've been feeling so good lately. No, I'm going to stop this thought train before it is too late.

I'll close with this little anecdote...

When I first moved into my apartment, I often heard the sounds of sex coming from an apartment accross my alley. They've been absent for a while but I didn't really notice until recently when a baby's crying began emanating from the same window. Tonight, I heard the couple having sex. That was the first time I can remember hearing them fucking since well before the baby came along. Good for them.

Phuck Fysics!

I'm sick of physics. I don't fucking care about how many light bulbs it takes to warm up a wall in order to transfer some fucking amount of heat through said wall and into the next goddamn room. Who gives a fucking shit!?! Fuck physics...right in, um...uh...some fucking place.

I Wanna Be a Supermodel

Things are starting to get interesting. My former studio teacher is to be designing a house on the coast and he'd like to hire me to work on model building for him. This much I've known for a while but things have been up in the air. He emailed me the other day and things look like they are going to happen in the near future. I don't know exactly what's going on yet, but he wants to pay me $18/hr! That's $10.75 more per hour than I make at my crap-ass cafeteria job which, coincidentally, is over for now meaning that I have no income. I'm very lucky to have people from whom I can get money in emergencies. I think I'll be having an emergency soon.

I'm taking physics right now. My final exam is on Friday. I'm not happy about that but I think it is good that it is coming soon. Things have been getting steadily more difficult in the last week. We first dealt with one dimensional motion, then two dimensional, then circular motion which was starting to get a bit on the weird site. Now we are talking about radial motion with torque and all kinds of other less straight forward concepts. All I can say about physics is that I'm glad it is curved and I'm glad I don't have to take it graded.

Templates, Dammit!

In order to help facilitate a renewed interest in my blog, I decided to change the template. Little did I know that none of the stock templates would work with some of my content. Blah. I guess I'll have to create a new one for myself. That's not so bad, I guess. Time to attempt to learn the blogger tags again. Sigh.

Fine!

OK, fine! I'll write a damn blog entry. I actually forgot about this thing for a while. It isn't really as if I'd ever paid all that much attention to it, but I guess I lost interest during spring term of school. It seems that I can't ever really string anything mildly interesting together. Usually an entry would be something like, "I don't really have anything to say." Surely riveting material. But lately, I've been less busy than any time in the previous year and I've become increasingly agitated. Something must be done. This website isn't the answer to whatever it is that is causing me to feel poorly, but it certainly can't be one of the reasons for my feelings. That would have required me to have been posting to it at some point in the last month.

There is a dog barking/whining in some apartment in my alley. Yes, that's right, alley. I don't live on a street. A peculiarity of Eugene is that nearly every block is bisected by an alley which has addresses and lots of people living in it. I don't know if this is common in many cities, but as one who grew up in and around Portland, it is not normal for me. When I first decided to move into my apartment, I thought it was kind of shady. I've been proven both right and wrong in that regard. See, it is shady and there are lots of people who suck living around here, but there are also plenty of people who are just students or who don't sell drugs so I guess there is a balance. A ying and yang. A certain symmetrical beauty. My property management company, on the other hand, was forged from pure evil by Satan himself. I've had an unusual number of confrontations with my property management company that have left me shocked by their lack of professionalism. I won't go into the past, but rather detail the current issue.

I re-signed my lease for the next year. I decided that moving is too much of a hassle and it is much too expensive for me right now. I signed it a month ago and the new lease starts in September when my rent increases by five dollars a month. I paid my rent a week ago and the check went through just as usual. What is unusual though is that I got a 72 hour eviction notice saying that I owe them FIVE DOLLARS! Those dumb motherfuckers are threatening eviction over five dollars that I don't even owe them. What in the name of Shit do they think they are doing? I should have learned by now but it seems every once in a while they'll shock me. One thing that I'll take from my experiences with this company of morons; if the majority of the workers have perms, heavy eyeliner, and orange skin, don't rent from them.

my final

here's the link to my final project:

http://gladstone.uoregon.edu/~mseats/studio/182/images/seats_final_layout.jpg

Final Project

We were just assigned our final project for studio. Well, our site for our final. It is so cool. We are each to design a building for Venice, Italy. That's a lot more fun than designing for Eugene.

Another One

This time, even better and with less time devoted to it!

Fotoshop Phun

I spent the day in studio creating a perspective using photoshop. I've used the program a ton but I learned a lot today. Here's the pic:

It is my design, yes.

Getting Up

Getting up in the morning can eat it.

Oh Shit

from theonion.com

Term 3, Week 2, Skip 1

So it is the second week of the term and I'm already skipping some classes. I feel yuck so I decided to sleep in instead. I was fully planning on going to my second class but I don't need to. We are going to be learning about photoshop skills and, excuse my arrogance, I don't need to learn them. At least not beginning skills. Maybe I'll have to learn some advanced things later but I decided that rest is more important than showing up for a lecture that I don't need.

After a rough-ish spring break, I'm back in school and focused again on my studies. I decided that I need to focus completely on myself because if I don't put myself first, I won't be put first by anyone. I wonder if this makes any sense. I think it kind of does.

I think maybe I'll go to the health center today. Maybe they can give me some pills to take. I'm so tired. Someone in my studio has mono but I don't think I have that.

Also, the gum guy from studio who I really hate quit school yesterday. I don't feel so good about that but I need to not worry. As my dad said, this is a conservatory education and this goes with the territory. He certainly will not be the last person I know to quit. But I won't be quitting.

iTunes

Ever since I got my ipod, I've been using the itunes software to manage it. Everytime I add new stuff, though, my computer runs slower and slower. And it isn't just when itunes is running. No, there's enough backround crap with that program to make it nearly impossible for me to actually use my computer. I thought all was lost, until today. I am a windows user and along with that, I am able to use the ever-reliable winamp to manage my ipod. All I need is a third party plugin and presto, no need for itunes anymore. Sure, itunes is pretty and everything, but if I can't use my computer reliably with it on my system, then goodbye itunes. My computer is relatively old at this point, but it runs almost everything that I've ever thrown at it. Everything except one thing: fucking itunes.

Spring Break Begins

You can tell it is spring break because of all the clouds, wind, and occaisional rain. For those of you not living in the Pacific Northwest, the two weeks prior to this were filled with sun and heat and sun! I am currently typing this on my new laptop. It isn't what anyone would call, "top of the line" but it does have a dvd player and wireless internet. What more could I possibly want? Well, besides a faster, awesomer computer. Oh well, I do have a faster, awesomer computer just sitting in boxes at my grandma's house. It will live in studio. So happy about that.

I start writing these things and then get distracted and lose whatever train of thought that I'd previously had. I went out on Friday night which was pretty fun. I sang some songs, one of which was a duet which was pretty rocking. After the karaoke bar I was pretty drunk but I was still doing ok. I went out to a couple of other places but that was pretty much the end of the night.

I hung out with my dad yesterday afternoon. That was great because, if there is one person who really gets what I'm learning and doing in school, it is definitely him. He is a scenic designer and has all kinds of designs and models he has done. When I first started architecture school, I looked at all the models and thought they were really crappy. Now I understand why I think they were so crappy, my dad's models are insanely awesome. I hadn't really seen much of his work since I started design studio but now that I have, I feel like the bar has been raised for me just in that I am seeing what one can actually do instead of just some of the crappy examples from school.

I am at my mom's right now and she's making German pancakes for breakfast. The smoke detector started going off quickly followed by the timer for the food. I'm rattled and frazzled, so I think I'll just leave things off here. I am planning to go to the art museum today. Oh yeah, and my cell phone decided to die on me. I hope that it is just glitchy and they'll be able to fix it when I go to the store. Fingers are crossed.

Finally

I'm finally going to take my final! But what's the damn deal with eight o'clock in the morning finals? Especially on the last day of finals week. I feel just as witty as that Seinfeld guy. What's the deal with that?

OK, just have to get through the stupid test and then I am free for a week. A week!

Oh yeah, happy two year Iraq invasion anniversary.

Here's my presentation for my design skills class. The one that was archived. Yeah, I know, whatever.

I Can Taste It

There is only one obstacle between spring break and me! I got my media skills project and my philosophy paper done on time. My paper, I must say, left something to be desired. Namely, a grader with low standards. But the fact that it is out of my hands is a huge relief.

My media skills project was well received. I got a good grade, and more awesomely, it was chosen for the student archives. That means that in future classes people will look at my work as an example of what one can do. Unfortunately, I don't have a picture of it at this point. I'll get one though, I swear. If future students react at all to my work as I did to work showed to our class, mine has a lot of scoffing and criticism ahead of it. I don't know how many times I looked at examples of good work and said, "that's not so great." Oh well. All I really cared about was getting a good grade because I'm in danger of a low grade in that class. I should be getting a high A, but sometimes I make foolish study decisions. So foolish.

OK

So this is the day. I just have to get my philosophy paper written and turned in by five o'clock this evening and I'll be so close to done with this term, I'll be salivating like some sort of dog hearing a bell in a type of experiment. Wait, I think I may be hearing something now. Oh, dear Spring Break, why are you taunting me? Just come on! Give it up!

Paralysis

I'm in a paralysed state right now. It is time for me to get off of my ass and get something done. I'm starting to get bored.

Oops

I was doing laundry before I go to class, but somehow my clothes didn't get dry. Maybe I forgot to turn it on, maybe the dryer didn't dry. I imagine it was probably the former. So much for class.

I Must Be Bipolar

Sometimes I'll be in a great mood, then something happens that completely takes me out of it. I think that is the case right now. I am so happy about finishing my project for architecture. I did a good job. I learned a lot. But for some reason, now I'm kind of floating in the air. I don't have a lot going on, although there is work to do. I think, in a way, I may already miss studio. I will probably be regretting that statement at some point. But I think it is true. My entire life, for the last nine weeks has been structured completely around studio. And now it is gone, but everything else in my life remains the same. That everything else certainly isn't much to sustain things. Also, I'm pissed off about global warming. It is amazing weather right now. And yesterday I was walking home from the bank. While sweating, due to the heat, I saw a parked suv with a big W sticker on it. All of a sudden, my rage began to come out and become focused on that vehicle and its owner. I had the strongest urge toward vandalism I've ever had. I wanted to break the car. I wanted to smash a brick through its windshield. But I didn't. And now I'm still upset. It drives me crazy that so many people say we should do something about global warming, but nobody is willing to change anything about their lifestyles. It is true that nobody knows what will happen, but it is undeniable that the climate is changing. It should be pouring down rain right now. This is Oregon, for fuck's sake. What the hell is going on? FUCK!

Inside, looking at the kitchen.

Looks great!

My whole presentation.

My model and me. Guess which is which!

Here's the model of my final project!

Swearing

Someone recently told me that swearing is the tool of a lazy mind. I disagree, I think swearing is the tool of the hilarious mind.

...

...

fuck

A Great Sunday Morning

I just placed an order for my computer to be placed in my architecture studio. I must say, I enjoyed spending my large tax refund. I bought an ipod, a laptop, and now a desktop computer. I haven't spent that much money so quickly in a long time. And it will be a hell of a long time before I can do it again. Unfortunately, I have very little money left. I figure it is best to get the best I can afford now though, even if I don't have much money left, than to get a lower quality machine that I won't be as happy with for a long time. Does that make sense the way I typed it?

Anyway, I'm doing my Sunday morning slacking routine where I drink a pot of coffee while listening to This American Life, one of the best shows.

The weather has been unbelievably beautiful lately. I know that global warming is supposed to be a bad thing and all, but I'm really enjoying it right now. I figure that right now is about the sweet spot. Maybe in ten years I'll be enjoying the rising ocean levels a little less than I am this year's early spring, but hey, there's no such thing as a free lunch.

Oh crap! I just realized that I need to buy a whole bunch of software for my computer but I just spent the last of my money on the computer itself. Shit! But there is no way I can be too upset about it this morning. The weather is just too nice.

Soon, off to studio to work on my final project. I can't believe the term is so close to over. I sure hope I pass all my classes. Yikes.

Dude

Today I had my mid project review. I slept for less than two hours. But I got a lot of good feedback and I feel strongly that I'm progressing in the right direction. Yahoo! Only two more weekends until studio is done for the term. So excited.

And now, for sleep.

I Was Wrong

Sometimes Oregon is portrayed well in the media. Seems someone threw a shoe at Richard Perle who was debating Howard Dean in Portland. And while I can't endorse shoe throwing as a legitimate form of protest, it is pretty funny!

One of These Days...

...I'll get some sleep. Then everything won't seem quite so hopeless.

Why Is Oregon So Effed Up?

Valentine's Day Suicide Pact Foiled. It seems that whenever Oregon is in the news it is for some shitty reason. I can't think of a recent time when a news story involving Oregon didn't have to do with killing, sexual harrassment, or clubbing some figure skater's knee. Oh well, maybe it'll keep people out.

The Problem of Fatigue

I was so tired yesterday afternoon that I decided to take a nap. I slept from 3-7 pm. Then I woke up, ate some food, stayed up until 11, then I went back to bed. It is amazing to me that I was able to sleep that much. I seem to be sleep deprived.

Architecture is not just keeping me awake all the time but also causing me to lose weight. I don't know how much I've lost, but it is a noticeable drop. I hope it doesn't continue because I don't want to look like some skinny loser. I'd rather be a chubby loser. Another guy in my studio told me yesterday that he's lost 12 lbs since studio started six weeks ago. That's a pretty good weight loss program. Stay awake all the time working which will in turn lead you to eat less. Woohoo!

Yuck!

There's this guy in studio who I find really annoying and obnoxious. I, along with many others strongly dislike him and talk shit about him. I've been feeling kind of bad about it lately so I resolved to be nicer to him and not talk shit about him. Today in studio, I stepped in gum. It was gross. Turns out Mr. Annoying put it on the ground. He said that he forgot to pick it up. I told him it was disgusting. He didn't apologize. I no longer feel bad about talking shit about him.

By the way, he sucks. Don't tell anyone though.

One more thing. Last night at work I decided that I absolutely hate Alicia Keyes' (sp?) music. I can't stand it. Every song sounds exactly the same, that is to say crappy. I literally got a headache while her album was playing.

Gentle Reader, can you tell I'm working on a paper right now? Does the annoyance adequately come through in bits and pixels?

My paper is supposed to be about the regulation of hate speech. I have to say, I absolutely hate hate speech (wow, trippy) but I don't think it should be regulated. Arguing that position at a university isn't exactly the easiest thing. If I don't like it, shouldn't it be illegal? No. What about the harm it causes? That totally sucks. What am I, prejudiced? No, well, maybe a little. Looks like maybe I should elaborate a bit.

My Brain

My brain isn't allowing me to think of anything but architecture. I had a test today in my history class. I think I did ok on it but really it was just a blur. I can barely even remember being in any of the lectures. My life is being taken up by studio projects.

Tonight in the dorms is the special Mardi Gras meal. Fucking special meals cause much work on the part of us, the workers. Booo!!!!

I've been doing it now long enough to announce; I'm cutting meat out of my diet. I can't say for sure that I'll never eat meat again, that's why I'm not using the word "vegetarian" to describe myself. Well, that and the fact that I can't stand attaching myself to some sort of group. I feel like if I called myself a vegetarian that would somehow obligate me to be a certain way. I can barely even stand to identify myself as an architecture student, and I really am one of those. But anyway, I just can't stand the thought of killing animals anymore. I'm sure the final straw has been my ethics class but the seeds of guilt have been germinating for a while. I've always thought that if I had to kill animals myself, I wouldn't eat them. That's an obviously hypocritical point of view so I have two choices, either stop caring about animals or stop eating them. I can't not care. I mean, I have a cat. I know that animals can feel, I know that they have emotions. In that way I can't separate Rusty from a cow. If I didn't live in a country where I could get meat alternatives, obviously that would be different. But I'm well off enough to have choice in what I eat. So I choose not to eat animals anymore. Maybe sometimes I will still eat an animal, but I'll have to have a damn good reason.

Speaking of having a damn good reason, that is a phrase which has infected my speech this term. My studio teacher always says it. Basically, we can do whatever we want, break any rule, but we better have a damn good reason. It has risen to the point of a slogan in my studio and I'm sure it will always be in my brain. See what I mean about architecture taking over my brain? Oh well, I guess it is better than other things in there, like tv, or books, or movies, or interpersonal relationships, or what time it is, or the last time I showered.

My Weekend

My weekend was a slow one which was welcome. Yesterday I watched Harold and Kumar go to White Castle and Hero. I enjoyed them both but in different ways. I'm a bit apprehensive about my upcoming week. I'm still a bit lonely. I think I can never be satisfied. I should really just accept my life or work to make things better instead of bitching about things all the time. I swear, sometimes I think I would hate me if I knew me as someone else. Does that make sense? Blehhhhh.

Dude

I'm going to have a party at my apartment on Sunday night. Why Sunday? Shit if I know, but it promises to be an awkward time for all, especially me!

Fucking Subject Lines

Today started out difficultly. For some reason, I couldn't get myself out of bed until the last minute. I should have rushed straight out without any but the most perfunctory grooming, but instead I made and drank coffee, read an article, availed myself of the facilities, and took a lengthy shower. I was half an hour late to class. Two people called me to make sure I was ok...and I think I am. I'm really stressed out though...like so stressed I don't know why. It isn't really as if I've lost control of my fate or anything but I feel like it. And add to the fact that I feel bad with the other fact that about five people have told me I look bad, then I feel even worse. I guess maybe I'm just lonely for genuine friendship instead of the pseudo-friendships that I currently have. I know, I know, I'll make friends, but I haven't yet. Not really. And to me, having a bunch of superficial friendships makes me kind of sad.

Fast forward to tonight.

Here's my schedule:
• Work
• Architecture Project
• Sleep (if time allows)

I signed up yesterday for thefacebook.com. It is weird, like friendster.com after a few beers, a little uncomfortably personal. Oh well, whatever wastes time without me having to think very hard. Except, why the shit should I be wasting time? I guess even super busy stressed out people need to fritter away their lives too, that is, assuming they aren't already frittering away their lives with that which with they are busy.

I can't wait for tomorrow to be over...and then the weekend to last for ten days. Sigh.

Ants

I've been getting ants in my bathroom for the last week or so. I've cleaned it thoroughly a few times since they made their first appearance but they've returned each time. I think I finally nailed down what it is they are attracted to, the residue of my mouthwash. I discovered this when I found a bunch of ants in my mouthwash and going to and from the bottle. YUCK!!!!!!!! Sadly, I felt compelled to dispose of my mouthwash, now I need to get some more, but I think I'll have to go for the non-mint kind. If that still attracts them I'll be a very sad person...one with lower quality breath.

We went on a field trip to Portland today. We took the bus.

The Weekend!

Wow, the weekend was intense. On Saturday, my birthday, I worked until one in the afternoon at which point my mom came to pick me up. We drove up to Portland where we had a delicious family dinner at my absolute favorite Thai restaurant. Then I went out all night long with my sister, astarrte, and others. We were out until the bars closed, then went to the sister's for a while. When I got up on Sunday I had to get my ass back down to Eugene in order to get my architecture project done. I wound up taking the train which was very comfortable. I was in studio until 3:30 am. I went home, slept, then presented my project at 8:00 am. The day was a blur. But I got everything done that I had to. I'm glad I did it all, but I'm really glad it is over.

A quarter century gone. Oh, man.

School Is Kicking My Ass

I've been so busy this week. I can't even imagine that it was merely a four day week but it seems that was the case. I've been in studio until after 2:30 one day and after 1:00. Keep in mind I have to be at class the next day by 8:00 and I also have other classes. Speaking of other classes, I just got a paper back for philosophy and I got a D. I think that is the first time I've ever earned a grade so low on a paper.

OK

Now that the whining is out of my system...

I love my architecture studio. Sure, it is a lot of work and I feel like a zombie more than half the time, but the work is so exciting. The longer I do it, the happier I am that I chose it as a major. I don't want to sound to full of myself, but I think I am doing really well so far. I love this stuff!

And the last thing...it is my 25th birthday tomorrow. Woohoo! Happy birthday to me.

In this image you can see the two entrances to the stairways down to the grotto. I like that the grotto is hidden from view.

The top of the grotto is in the same plane as the ramp to the altana. The opening in the top of the grotto allows light into the chamber. The light bathes the tops of the walls to provide a nice glow. I'll try to take a picture of the effect.

The altana is in the rear, the blogger in the front, jutting out of the landscape.

The second go on the grotto/altana project. This time I more closely integrated them. The entrance to the grotto is beneath the altana. I like this design a lot.

This is a model I finished for today. It is at 1/4" scale, which means 1/4 inch is equal to 1 foot. The bottom building is meant to be a grotto and the top building is meant to be an altana. This is the first iteration of this project...two more will be done. I really like this stuff, it is just that it is insanely time consuming.

My drawing of my model.

Hi.

A wider view.

View from beneath the structure.

My first big project. Don't laugh.

Woo-fucking-hoo

I just finished with writing a philosophy paper and a short paper for my first architecture review, which is tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous because I haven't had something like this before. I'm not sure what to expect but I suppose it can't be too horrible, I mean, I've only been in design studio for two weeks. Oh well, it'll all be a blur. It is a good thing I really thought a lot about the design that I'll be presenting. I know it like I know some other thing I know. You know?

Anyway, I'm going to bring my camera so I'll be posting some photos of my work either Friday or Saturday. Now to try to get to sleep. I'm antsy because I drank coffee earlier, out of fear that I'd have to be up all night writing my philosophy paper. Silly, silly man.

Car Crash

I work in a dorm cafeteria at the University of Oregon. Outside the building runs a creek where there are ducks, shopping carts, and tonight, a car! It seems someone crashed their car into the Millrace. I didn't see the accident, but I did see the car resting nose first at the bottom of a small hill, past the cement retaining wall, and into the creek. I don't think anyone got hurt, which means it is a truly hilarious accident.

I'm Starting to Freak Out!

I don't have any idea how in the fucking hell I'm supposed to get all my assignments, homework, and readings done and also work. I'm already freaking out! I don't know what the fuck they expect from me, I need to buy a million dollars worth of equipment but I don't have any time to work. And then I have my lecture classes with tons of homework. I need to have a book read by tomorrow. It isn't long but it takes forever to get through. I also have a five page paper due in another class on Friday. I have work every single night and very time consuming homework for my architecture classes! Fuck this!!!!!!

Already With the Procrastination

I have about fifty things I should be doing right now, but instead I'm drinking coffee and listening to Car Talk. I must get my butt in gear.

NOW!

One of My Least Favorite Phrases:

"Now see what you made me do."

This Could Be Bad

I'm already getting exhausted. Uh oh. Maybe after a couple of weeks I'll be back in "school shape."

I'm Back

I'm back in school. Yesterday I was assigned my first architecture studio. It is an exciting time, I'm happy and nervous about the design studio. I now have my own work space on campus with a big desk. I will have complete 24 hour per day, seven day per week access to the studio. The fact that I have so much access hints at the possibility that I'll have to pull an all-nighter or two. Poop on that. I am going to try really hard to keep my work under control so I don't have to work long through the night. I know myself too well, though. I'm a procrastinator to the core. Can I force myself to change?