Do What You Do

Last night after classes were over, I met up with an old friend who I went to high school with and then lived with after for a while. It had been about three years since the last time we'd hung out. Three years sounds like a long time but for some reason I just can't wrap my mind around the idea that it has been that long. But it has. It is somewhat frightening to realize how quickly time can go by. I'm also frightened about the fact that in three years I have done very little. Sure, I've decided to go back to school and I've been successful in that endeavor but at the core, deep down, my life is about the same. And that's not really a good thing. Three years ago was one of the worst times in my life and putting it in terms of that much time I realize that I've been unbelievably preoccupied and holding myself back.

So what can I do? How can I move forward? I think I need to keep on doing what I'm doing. I went to a high school whose Latin motto was "Age quod agis" which they translated to "Do well whatever you do." I've heard, however, that it more accurately translates to "Do what you do." At first glance, that seems a less interesting translation but I think it is superior to the accepted translation. "Do what you do." Focus. Live your life. Don't get distracted. Don't live in the past or the future. Live now. Living now and not focusing on the past is something that I have a difficult time getting myself to do. I'm sure it is a function of my personality which is analytical and inwardly focused. I think that leads to these neverending loops of thought in my mind which tend to be negative. I can't seem to get myself to obsess about positive things. I'd rather not obsess at all. I think that partially why I obsess about negative things is that I like to solve problems. Rationally I know that not all problems have solutions but I'm often not rational, especially deep down.

I think the key to dealing with my obsessions is to live the motto "age quod agis," to focus on what's in front of me, and importantly to act as well as to analyze. Analysis is an important aspect of life but analysis without action is largely worthless. I must learn to know when I've thought about something enough and anymore would lead to diminishing returns. I've spent a lot of time thinking that my apartment is a mess but I somehow can't bring myself to clean it. That is a small example of my problem. I recognize a problem but instead of doing something about it I let it fester. That is going to be my focus. Convert the energy that I spend thinking and worrying about something into positive action. The best way to shutting my brain off for a little while isn't to watch tv or take a drink. The best way to shutting my brain off is action.