Sunday for a While Longer

What can I say? The last week has been an interesting one in that I've done as much to avoid any responsibilities that I possibly can. Somehow I've been able to get everything done that I need to but with a minimum of effort. I feel as if, when I work on my obligations, I'm in some sort of trance in which I'm able to work and think but after which I have little to no recollection of working or thinking. I guess you could say that the memories are like those of a long night of drinking. Sure, you remember most of it although some things are a bit fuzzy and everything seems a little less real than it should. That's how I feel about my first week of my second physics class. I'd be nervous about the first test on Tuesday, but I don't think I care enough to be nervous. I'll do ok, I'm sure. I'm retaining the information but can't recall it unless in a classroom or while doing homework. I guess I'm subconciously compartmentalizing school and other tasks which I currently deem unpleasant. But what does that mean for the rest of my life? I'm not exactly sure about that. I enjoy playing video games but my ass eventually gets tired. I enjoy meeting new people but my fake smile and anecdotes eventually get tired. I enjoy drinking but my liver eventually gets tired. I enjoy blogging but my fingers and anecdotes eventually get tired. I enjoy listening to talk radio but my ears eventually get tired...

The point is that even though I'm doing a lot better than I was doing a month or two ago, I'm starting to feel inadequate in other parts of my life. Ha ha, that's a perfect opening for a penis joke but I'm not going to indulge that kind of thinking around here...mainly because I can't think of anything particularly funny about making jokes about my own penis. And this is about where I remember that someone I know probably actually still checks this and then I feel like a total idiot for writing this stuff, but I won't delete it from the little blogger textbox because this is what having a blog is all about. Stupid-ass shit.

I read a salon.com article earlier today about this nanny in new york who was fired by her employer because of the things she wrote in her blog. Also, the employer imagined a whole hell of a lot more than she'd also written. Which makes me wonder sometimes. I feel like the internet brings a lot of people together, often people who would never meet. And there is a weird intimacy that happens between people online. But when you get down to it, the internet, blogs, message boards, instant messaging, they are all ways in which people put on masks for others and even more for themselves. We are still in a time of novelty for the internet. People are willing to bare much of themselves for the outside world. And I can understand that pretty well, but what happens when things that are only meant for oneself and complete strangers are stumbled upon and read by those close to us? It seems ridiculous that we would allow some random person who finds our blogs through search results should know more about one's life than the people closest to that one. But somehow it seems even more ridiculous the other way around. And I think that may be why my blog has been languishing. Because I have barely anything to write that I would want those close to me to read. Maybe it is just because I want to put up a happy and brave facade. I can't do that so well when I expose myself to people who know me. I don't know where I'm going with this. Nowhere good, I think. Especially since I've been feeling so good lately. No, I'm going to stop this thought train before it is too late.

I'll close with this little anecdote...

When I first moved into my apartment, I often heard the sounds of sex coming from an apartment accross my alley. They've been absent for a while but I didn't really notice until recently when a baby's crying began emanating from the same window. Tonight, I heard the couple having sex. That was the first time I can remember hearing them fucking since well before the baby came along. Good for them.