Bullshit Weekend

Now, I've never been king number one cool social guy or anything, but I wonder what's happened to me since I moved to Eugene almost a year ago. I've never had as hard a time connecting with people as I have since I've lived here. At least, not during my adult life. I'm not a social retard and I'm able to carry on conversations with all kinds of people but I don't understand why I don't have any real friends. Sure, there are some people who I can hang out with and talk to relatively comfortably but that's not really enough for me. I can't have a series of mere acquaintances but no real friends. This weekend is what's getting to me. I've called basically everyone I know to try and get something going but here I sit at my computer without having been able to get in touch with anyone. And I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed that I have to call people to try and have a social interaction and I'm unbelievably annoyed and more than a little hurt that nobody calls me to hang out. I keep up my happy face and talk to people but still nothing. I haven't been able to get into any type of regular friendships with anyone. I've been trying but it doesn't seem to be working. I don't think any of my friends mean anything by not calling me which almost makes it worse because it seems to confirm my fear that people don't really care about me.

Piss on this feeling. I know it is a stupid bullshit temporary feeling but that doesn't make it any less real for me right now. I've been making social progress and I know this isn't permanent but it gets tiring. I'm sick of having no social life. Whatever. I just need to keep trying. I'm done.