Spriiiiiinggg BRRRREEEaaaAAAKK!kkk!!!!!

Anyway, despite the headline, I'm having a mundane and boring spring break. I don't think that's such a bad thing.

But I've been thinking over the past day that it is true what "they" say, "you can't go home again." Here's the thing, I love my city. Portland, Oregon is probably one of the best places in the world, let alone the United States. But here's the other thing, even though I grew up here and I love this city, it doesn't feel like home any longer. I don't know if it is because my mother (with whom I'm staying) lives outside of downtown (not the suburbs, just not downtown) or if I just can't see the people who I care about. It seems like every time I come to this city I'm dogsitting or catsitting or something that prevents me from living it up.

But then, here's something I've been thinking about today and always; maybe I just don't have that much of a group here. Sure, I have friends and family, but I'm not 100% sure that they want me here. I don't mean to suggest that they don't like me or they don't love me but every time I come back here I feel completely isolated. Sure, I have my sister, my mom, and my dad. I have my ex, but what after that? It isn't like they ever call me. I call them. I call my sister and she never calls me back. I call my mom and, God bless her, she calls me back; but she's my mom. God help us all if she didn't. And my dad is on his shit. I love my dad and I'm really happy he calls me but I have a horrible feeling it is because of guilt that he doesn't have the money to put me through school.

This is one of those blog entries that I don't want to be accountable for. I'm just venting. I'm venting because I'm at my mom's house and I'm dogsitting. I'm venting because I used to love Portland and now I don't even know where I stand here. I'm venting because, like someone says, "you can't go home again."

I'm venting because I'm a whiny college student. I can't stand the status quo. I don't like to be alone (which I am, right now).

I don't like to be out of my comfort zone...

...but I never imagined that I'd be out of my comfort zone in the room in which I used to sleep.