A Post From a Different POV

Yeah, sure, I just wrote a post about personal things, but here's a post about political things...

 

I've been watching Fox News today because I don't have cable down in the Eugene. And here's what I think about their poop: Fox News is the mouthpiece of the Republican party. Obviously if you already agree with me you are saying something like, "that's right," but if you don't already agree with me, you are thinking, if not saying something like, "bullshit."

But here's the thing, our country is no longer a simple nation state. Starting with the Spanish/American War, we began our seemingly inevitable slide toward empire. World War I proved that we are a power in the world and World War II gave us our empire.

I had an argument with my dad earlier today, I asserted that World War II was not a just war, but rather a war of empire. We didn't come to a conclusion in our debate. My dad believes that World War II was a just war. I don't. I went to a Catholic high school. When I was there I had to take a class called "Peace and Justice." There they taught me about the School of the Americas and Liberation Theology. They also taught me about how, since the Vietnam War, our nation has had an all volunteer military, "AVF" as far as I understand it is called; "All Volunteer Force."

Unfortunately what they taught us about...the ALL VOLUNTEER FORCE is a farce. It is a poverty draft. The military is marketed to people who want to earn a living. In fact, this evening I was watching Comedy Central and there was a Navy commercial in which a man talked about how he wanted to start a business...there was some other stuff...then low and behold, he had a business...with skyscrapers in the background. Even if that very man owns a business, as he claims, I'll bet you one hundred dollars it isn't in those buildings behind him.

This isn't an anti-military screed. No, this is an anti-system screed. I don't think the military is wrong, rather, I think the poverty draft is wrong. I think it is wrong that the decision makers in this nation don't have to even pretend to sacrifice their children. I don't pretend that this is, or ever has been, a nation of altruism, but back in the time when we had a draft, at least everyone could anticipate serving. Now though, I know I'm not going to serve. And you know you aren't going to serve. My sister doesn't have to work in a war factory, nor does my mother.

So, aside from a select few, out citizenry is divorced from the war effort. We don't have to put our lives on the line. Our friends don't have to put their lives on the line. But someone has to fight. Someone has to die. It is our nation's poor.

We put commercials on the television that appeal to people's self interest. You can get skills for your future, etc. I don't deny that is true. I'm one hundred percent sure that people who join and serve our nation's militarty get skills. But is it right to advertise an inherently selfless institution to peoples' selfish interests? I assert that it isn't.

I think that we need to reinstitute the draft, but with the added option of civil service. In my America, you have the option of serving in the military for one year or in the civil service for two years. I'm sure most people will choose the civil service at this point in time. I don't think that is because most people are inherently unpatriotic, rather that most people understand that we are up to our necks in middle eastern shit. Once we finally realize it isn't in our interest to fight over there, we'll all be better off.

I have a cousin who is in the AFROTC and on his mission right now. A year or so ago we were talking and he said that he hoped we'd be out of Iraq by the time he is in active duty. I hope we are too. But I don't believe that we'll be done with the ramifications from Iraq.

I think the most important thing to remember about our so called "War on Terrorism" is that it is a political struggle. They aren't evil. We aren't righteous. It is a war just like any other.

War has always been political.

Even when people hijack airplanes and ram them into our skyscrapers, it is still political. The people we are fighting against are people, not the devil. That is extraordinarily important to remember.

btw...

...this is me. The ugly old lady isn't a joke, it really is me:

Spriiiiiinggg BRRRREEEaaaAAAKK!kkk!!!!!

Anyway, despite the headline, I'm having a mundane and boring spring break. I don't think that's such a bad thing.

But I've been thinking over the past day that it is true what "they" say, "you can't go home again." Here's the thing, I love my city. Portland, Oregon is probably one of the best places in the world, let alone the United States. But here's the other thing, even though I grew up here and I love this city, it doesn't feel like home any longer. I don't know if it is because my mother (with whom I'm staying) lives outside of downtown (not the suburbs, just not downtown) or if I just can't see the people who I care about. It seems like every time I come to this city I'm dogsitting or catsitting or something that prevents me from living it up.

But then, here's something I've been thinking about today and always; maybe I just don't have that much of a group here. Sure, I have friends and family, but I'm not 100% sure that they want me here. I don't mean to suggest that they don't like me or they don't love me but every time I come back here I feel completely isolated. Sure, I have my sister, my mom, and my dad. I have my ex, but what after that? It isn't like they ever call me. I call them. I call my sister and she never calls me back. I call my mom and, God bless her, she calls me back; but she's my mom. God help us all if she didn't. And my dad is on his shit. I love my dad and I'm really happy he calls me but I have a horrible feeling it is because of guilt that he doesn't have the money to put me through school.

This is one of those blog entries that I don't want to be accountable for. I'm just venting. I'm venting because I'm at my mom's house and I'm dogsitting. I'm venting because I used to love Portland and now I don't even know where I stand here. I'm venting because, like someone says, "you can't go home again."

I'm venting because I'm a whiny college student. I can't stand the status quo. I don't like to be alone (which I am, right now).

I don't like to be out of my comfort zone...

...but I never imagined that I'd be out of my comfort zone in the room in which I used to sleep.

A Bit of a Review

I'm sitting at my computer and drinking a cup of coffee. Mmmm...I love coffee. Later today I have my final final after which time I'll be free from responsibility for a short time. I don't particularly care to be free from responsibility. Next week I'm going to work at the glass factory in Portland for four days. That will be good, I guess.

Yesterday (Wednesday) I had a group presentation for my environmental control systems class. We had to do a research project. I'm not particularly proud of it, but at least I got to draw a few pictures of cavemen for it. That's something. (I'm trying to upload a caveman drawing but blogger's being a jerk.)

Tuesday I went to go see "V for Vendetta." I'd read the comics a few years ago and the movie seemed to generally follow along pretty well. I think the end wasn't quite the same but it was basically a pretty good representation of the comics and even more importantly, the ideas in the comics. I could have used a little more killing of bad guys, but hey, I like to see bad guys get theirs.

Monday nothing happened.

Sunday nothing happened.

Saturday I went to see "Why We Fight." It is a very good movie, Roger Ebert accuses it of preaching to the choir but I don't care. I think if people don't agree with it they should see it too and watch it with open minds. Perhaps they'll see something that causes them to think critically about American militarism. We need to think and people need to know that this isn't the only way.

Friday I drank a lot of green beer. That was pretty fun.

I've got four hours until my final exam. I think I should study at least a bit. We'll see.

Do you ever?

Do you ever look in the mirror and say to yourself outloud, "Goddamn, I'm hot"? Well, I just did, and let me tell you, it feels good.

Oh, and, Goddamn, I really am hot.

Happy St. Patrick`s Day.

Finland

Looks like I'm going to be going to study abroad this summer in Finland. I've gotta make this quick but I just have to say that I'm really damn excited. I think my feelings can best be summed up in the words of Monty Python:

Finland, Finland, Finland,
The country where I want to be,
Pony trekking or camping,
Or just watching TV.
Finland, Finland, Finland.
It's the country for me.

You're so near to Russia,
So far from Japan,
Quite a long way from Cairo,
Lots of miles from Vietnam.

Finland, Finland, Finland,
The country where I want to be,
Eating breakfast or dinner,
Or snack lunch in the hall.
Finland, Finland, Finland.
Finland has it all.

You're so sadly neglected
And often ignored,
A poor second to Belgium,
When going abroad.

Finland, Finland, Finland,
The country where I quite want to be,
Your mountains so lofty,
Your treetops so tall.
Finland, Finland, Finland.
Finland has it all.

Finland, Finland, Finland,
The country where I quite want to be,
Your mountains so lofty,
Your treetops so tall.
Finland, Finland, Finland.
Finland has it all.
Finland has it all.

Such a powerful song. Tears well up in my eyes whenever I hear it. Excuse me.

Someone smashed the sign for my management company. i wish i could say i were sorry.

Monthly Posting Time

I only like to post about once a month. But sometimes I like to post even less frequently than that. At this rate, I'm going the once a month route. Who knows, maybe I'll up it soon. It isn't really like I have a whole lot going on these days. But I do have a lot on my mind.

For the past month or so, I've been going to weekly therapy sessions. They are helpful and good but I sometimes feel as if I'm holding my hand over a flame...pain for no good reason. Unlike untargeted self-inflicted pain, the pain that comes from counseling sessions has some sort of ultimate purpose. I wonder what that purpose is. There are vague promises of being a better functioning person but I have to take that on faith. Faith in myself. A difficult concept for me to grasp but I'm working on it.

Yesterday I stupidly went to a website with messageboards about my aunt. I do this every once in a while. I guess the last time I did it was a couple of years ago. It isn't something I enjoy doing but I confess that I have a sick fascination with the people who have a sick fascination with the whole thing. Until the first time I hit one of these boards, I could never have imagined the hate and vitriol that people can hold. I want to tell these people to get a life and let the dead have their peace. It has been something like 16 years and people are still writing daily on these web forums. I can't imagine what would drive someone to that. Especially since the things people write are so hateful. 16 years, you fucking losers. So many of those people are fond of saying that you reap what you sow. I have something to say to them, if it's true that you reap what you sow, you are fucked.

That Time Again

So...Sunday is my birthday. I'm going to be 26 years young. I'm starting to get a little freaked out about my age. Not a lot, but certainly some. Last birthday was a quarter century which is a pretty big milestone. And now I'm working on my second quarter century. That's a bit on the weird side, especially since I'm still the same person I've been since I was a lad. When I was a mere lad, I remember thinking that old people were just old people. Now I'm starting to realize that old people actually used to be young. Like me! Intellectually this isn't a great stretch, but people don't generally freak out about things that they rationally analyze. No, freaking out about age is a purely emotional endeavor.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!!

Rain Rain Rain Rain Rain Rain Rain

I'm not one who normally likes to complain about the rain. Heat, yes. Cold, most likely. But rain, hell no. I'm an Oregonian, we are supposed to have webbed feet or something like that. For the last three days though it has been raining pretty much nonstop. I think it stopped a couple of times on Sunday but it is now Wednesday. It is like a monsoon or something. I actually don't mind the rain all that much but I have to walk around everywhere so that pretty much sucks. But it is pretty, I have to admit.

School started back up on Monday. There's quite a gap in my bloggerness but I never really felt like writing during the break. The break was great, by the way. I think it was my best break since I've been in school. I've determined that this year is going to be a great year. I'm starting to talk like my mom a bit. When I was younger I thought that the way she talked about things was kind of wacky but I'm starting to see the value in it. The idea of talking about things that you want at first seems stupid. Surely talking about something won't make it more likely. But I think that it works. I've been telling myself that I'm going to have good things and so far good things are happening. Mostly though, I think it is that my outlook is different. In fact, the things are pretty much all the same. It is my perception of those things that is changing. And that is a positive development.

This term in school I don't have design studio. I'm excited about that. Studio is great but it is extraordinarily stressful. I'm taking a couple of architecture classes, a philosophy class, and most interestingly a salsa dancing class. I went last night for the first time and all I can do now is the count in my head, 1 2 3 . 5 6 7 . over and over again. I'm happy that I'm trying something I wouldn't normally do and so far I'm enjoying it. I feel bad though because my hands get all sweaty. I should figure out some sort of sweaty hands remedy. Chalk, maybe?

Bitality, Really

I'm tiard and I'm not even close to done. This makes me sad. Very sad.

-- UPDATE:

It is now 7:15 in the AM. I've been working since I got here at six yesterday. I can see the light at the end. Unfortunately, I'm ready to pass out.

Reality Bites

So now I'm back in studio and though I'm not scared, the scale of the task before me and the limited time I have to do it is hitting me. So it goes.

Back to Reality

I'm sitting in my mom's house getting ready to catch my train back down to Eugene. The train will be the final leg on a three leg journey that's taken me from Maui to San Francisco and finally to Portland. It is taking a long time and frankly, I wouldn't mind if I never got there. See, I'm still not done with my final project for architecture and time is fast running out. I'll figure something out, I know this. But it isn't going to be easy, I know this too. But I won't worry about that right now.

Hawaii was really pretty and I got used to walking around in shorts and flip flops quite quickly. We stayed in this condo building that was basically right on the beach. We were so close that I could take close up videos of people walking along the beach. Video cameras are the best tool for stalking...anyway, so it was warm, and hot even. It was mostly sunny. The ocean was warm. People were dressed in very little. But where we were staying is more of an old person place. It wasn't like how you imagine with all these hot young people glistening in the sun. Don't get me wrong, there were lots of people glistening in the sun but they tended to be either OLD or YOUNG. So in other words, it was a family kind of a place, which was perfect for our family. There were nine of us on the trip (there are still eight there) and two older people, three medium people, two people my age, and two little little kids. The little little kids were probably the highlight of my trip. They are my cousins, both born this side of the year 2000. They are products of the new millenium, the world of the future. My smaller cousin (she's two) likes to talk about the time they went to the zoo and that the "elephant go poopoo!" She says it with evident delight and when people laugh she keeps saying it louder. It was the best thing I heard on the day that I heard it. First of all, I get much delight from seeing a happy two year old, add onto that the hilariousness of the word "poopoo" and you get a memorable moment.

Unfortunately, though, due to my school schedule, I had to take a short trip. When I got there, everyone else had been there for days, and when I left, they still had days. That's ok, I guess. I got a taste of life without the pressures of school and I loved it. It wasn't enough to make me question my place in school but it certainly was enough to make me really antsy for this term to be over and the three weeks of break that follow.

And now, time to get ready for round three of travel.

Me in Hawaii from cell phone. So pretty.

Maywa Denki!!!!!

Tonight I'm going to a show by Maywa Denki. I've seen some of their nonsense machines in the art museum here on campus but now I'm going to see a performance with them. I have absolutely no idea what to expect but how could anyone not want to see a show put on whose promotional picture is this:

Here's Another One

Here's the outside!

Gah!

I'm in studio right now preparing for my midterm review tomorrow. Here's a small taste of my design, more to come in the future.

Three Weeks

I just realized something today, I'm going to Hawaii on Wednesday the 26th. That means I'm going to Portland on Tuesday. That means I have to be done with my project on Monday. That is only three weeks from now. I can't fathom that. This term is fucked.

Fall Back

I just woke up, sad that I have to take a quick shower and be instantly off to work. Then I checked my computer and it said the time is an hour earlier than I thought it was. Oh yeah, fall back! I've never had a better conversion from daylight savings to standard time in my whole life.